new happy year + 5 days.

Ever had someone let you down? Never? Me neither. Oh, come on now.. it happens all the time. As for myself, I build up certain expectations of how I'm supposed to be treated without any justification as to why I deserve to be treated at all!

2010 (I know.. a subject change, but I'll pull it back together)
I think we like new starts. Crisp. Clean. We decide to start the diet on Monday (or Sunday - whichever we feel is the beginning of a fresh new week). We decide we'll start working out on the first day of a new month. And for a new year, why, we write loads of resolutions. I think resolutions are silly - as silly as the word silly itself. If we know we need to change, why are we waiting for a certain date to begin that change? Start the diet now, work out now, and act upon resolutions now! And what do you do if you do drink some soda? "Aw, crap! I guess I'll try again in 2011"....

But there's usually a positive to a negative. Its positive to have goals. And I suppose if you devotedly consider them and choose to set them on New Year's Eve each year, its not all bad.. as long as you end up fulfilling them. In fact.. this may be the reason I dislike New Year's resolutions.

And here I begin to tie in my opening statement. As December 31st was quickly ticking away, I thought I should probably have a resolution.. just one resolution. Not just one because I only need to make one change, but I thought I could fulfill the resolution requirement with one. So I decided that I should probably stop evaluating people as much as I do. I seem to take things too personally. I think I deserve a lot better than the treatment I receive. And seriously, people do the weirdest things :)

It all went downhill from there. Suddenly, people were attacking me right and left.. literally. Well, not literally. But I felt like I was being let down.. a lot. And I definitely thought I deserved better. I deserved more attention. I deserved to be the most important friend. I deserved the VIP invite, and yet, I felt like I was getting the "if you want to come, sure, but.. whatever" invite instead. No one cared whether or not I was around.

I tried being louder. I tried being quiet. I tried witty comments. And.. I failed. I was no more important than the next guy, or girl. And then I broke my resolution. I started evaluating why I was getting such treatment. I tried to understand how my "best friends" had suddenly turned into someone else's "best friends". I came to several conclusions.. the final and most important one was.. who cares.

Not the apathetic "who cares" but the "you should not care". I learned (in the words of a friend) that "Its not smart to invest all your feelings into one person and try to make them be a good friend, it just doesnt work". Its not worth evaluating why people do things. Its not worth taking things personally.

I think I was getting too comfortable. I was relishing in the fact that I had a few "best friends". Perhaps God needed to remind me that He is, in fact, the only 100% Best Friend.

Friends have come and gone in my life. Some left and returned, and others left forever. But there's been a constant... God. And I believe His hand was definitely in most of my friendships throughout high school even before I committed my life to Him (I could write another blog on this!) But even the things given to us by God can become our focus, in place of God Himself. And I needed re-focused.

I still think people are weird.. and I still think I might catch myself over-evaluating things I take personally and consider rude.. and I can't figure out why on earth... but hopefully I stop and remember that people are incredibly human. They're not perfect. I'm not perfect.

and hey.. there's always 2011... :)