Comfortable being Uncomfortable

"Father God, I am clay in your hands
help me to stay that way".............

I'm blessed. I started in a house that was really consistent. Other houses were having demanding upsets and changes, and Pine was steadily moving along. All the residents had been here awhile, knew the rules, knew the consequences. A few months in, we got a new resident. It was a change, but a smooth addition... and life at Pine House went on.

Now, I've been here 5 months... and 3 residents left at once (within days/weeks of each other). And, sometimes they leave under positive circumstances, sometimes not. But there is always the thought that they may have not learned anything, they'll just resort back to the old individuals they were.

And its hard. Its hard saying goodbye, not because it may be goodbye for this lifetime, but it may be a goodbye forever. I pray that Jesus means something to them and that Jesus will affect their lives. I can't bear the thought that they'll reject Him..... I hate that they may not be in Heaven. And, it brings up so many more frustrating thoughts.... like... why was Jesus revealed for me? why do I get to go to Heaven? how could God ever send **** to hell? (such a melancholy post!)

I know the solution - having faith that God is high above me, all-knowing, all-just. Yet, that thought doesn't satisfy me sometimes.

I guess it all comes as a part of getting attached to a few teenagers on probation. I'm thankful my heart isn't calloused yet although sometimes I wish it was... the goodbyes would affect me less!

I'll miss.... George Washington.  
This is so good I haven't even tried it yet!
Bomb.com, bomb.edu, bomb.net  
Gasp! 
Visiting the mad cows and little pigs.  
BIIIIIG DEEEEEAL!
A caterpillar (turned butterfly) named Pokey.  
Last name Awesome, first name This Is.
Timed bike rides to Dollar General.
Two-two!
My first 2-on-1 to get a Rickers.  
Guess what..... chicken butt.

And I'll have faith... faith that the experiences ahead will mean as much as the ones in the past. I'm thankful that I'm able to have upset. Because I have this feeling that upset brings growth.