always wanting to reap

Psalms 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

As in... those that sow the Word?

I know there's a balance.... we should be spiritually feed and nourished so that we can go out and plant seeds in the lives of others. I guess this week I spoke with co-workers about God... and its not something I do all the time... but I was just talking to Janessa about how sometimes its hard to know how to share... how to bring it up. And then, oddly enough.. it got brought up the next day with a guy at Macy's. He brought it up as we were talking about music and he said he didn't like Christian rock....

And then he had some things to say about Christians that were kinda depressing... depressing because they were pretty true. He said his friend and him make fun of church and refer to it as the 'fashion parade'..... and yeah.... it kinda is sometimes. And he was frustrated with professing Christians who can't defend their faith.

I don't like making the excuse, yeah, well.. look at Christ cause Christians are human. Ha.

I guess it should be reassuring that God doesn't need me to prove Him... He doesn't need me at all. But instead it kinda frustrates me... like my own inability to show God to this guy frustrated me.

But maybe its about sowing in frustration and in tears... maybe the sowing is excruciating. It isn't just throwing seeds around.

And I know its a balance... we need to be out sharing and sowing. But sometimes, I just want to be surrounded with a roomful of believers. I need to share my faith.. but sometimes its just reassuring to have my faith shared.

I guess that's what church is for....