After 365 days...

1 year. 
5 residents moved on. 
-1 pregnant. 
-1 locked up in boy's school. 
-1 always questionable. 
-1 master manipulator. 
-1 seemingly doing well....

And, then I was reminded yesterday that:  "But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully." (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Sometimes I get frustrated that I don't see changes happening after investing so much into someone. But, how much am I investing? 

A resident was supposed to be released in May, but instead he stayed here until last week (July). And, suddenly it hit me. How many relevant conversations did I have with him in those 2 months? I was given 2 extra months with him.. and I barely used those months at all! 

We can get frustrated because we feel like we pour out so much... but how much are we really sowing? I've invested in the lives of 5 residents who have all now moved on. And, I can get discouraged because out of all the seeds the Gateway team sowed, nothing seems to be growing. But to reap bountifully, we must sow bountifully. 

I think we expect to get as much as we give, which is legitimate according to this verse, but sometimes we (I) overestimate how much is being given. In my own life, I was raised in  Christian home with truth surrounding me... so many seeds sown.. and it still took me 20 years to make a profession of faith. I forget that. I forget that and expect residents to be at that same place after 5-9 months of hearing the truth. 

I guess hearing this verse was just a reminder to me that I need to invest more, and invest more freely. Just as my own mom spent (and spends:) so many hours praying for my  life, I need to pray for the lives of the residents. Because if I care enough for these residents that I'm brought to tears for the future of the souls, there's another promise: "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy" (Psalm 126:5)

Invest freely.. because so much has been invested in you. 

Posted by sarenaw in

After 365 days...

all or nothing

A rainy day seems like a good day for baking... I'm not sure why I think this. Maybe delicious fragrances emitting from the oven make the kitchen cheerier?

But in baking, I'm all or nothing most days. I either go all out and bake multiple things... or I don't feel like baking at all. I guess my theory is that once the KitchenAid is ready, it's simpler to use it, rinse, reuse, rinse, reuse. This is sanitary, right?.....

In the oven today:

My go-to banana bread recipe. If I'm in a mood where I care, I add half whole wheat flour, cut the sugar, and add flax seed :)

Also, I've made these pumpkin chai bars quite frequently.. as we don't have any pumpkin puree, I'm going with this recipe instead.

Cowboy cookies - extra to freeze!

Well.. I'm off to drink my coconut chai and throw put more things in the oven (or on the stove :)

P.S. 
Healthy cookies! These are made with banana, oatmeal and chocolate chips. Such a great substitute if you'd like something sweet without the sugar. And, they're pretty tasty straight from the oven (they don't do as well

Posted by sarenaw in

all or nothing

Recently discovered: Jimmy Needham

I've been listening to this on repeat... Mmm.

 

music

Posted by sarenaw in music

Recently discovered: Jimmy Needham

Hey, a glass half full!...

I apologize for a post written in a coffee shop listening to a musician (from Scotland) singing Coldplay cover songs... haha... well, one Coldplay song along with other covers and originals...


When I was home last, I flipped through an old journal. I'm really inconsistent at journaling... I usually get sick of a journal before I finish it. It's been years since the rambling Dear Diary days of finished journals... diaries.

And, I've noticed, and mentioned in my writing before, that I often tend to scribble away when I'm frustrated or sad.. making my journals reveal a whiny, melancholy individual.  Another reason why I always got sick of the journal before it was finished... I need to get better at chronicling my wins!

All this to say, as I flipped through an old journal, I read an entry from 2009. The topic was relevant, my feelings on the topic the same. I couldn't understand the purpose of something in 2009. And, four years later, it's still like a broken pencil.... no point! heh.

You know how Tennyson said Tis better have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? There's that moment of bitter rejection of it. And, slowly, its swallowed up in thankfulness and blessing. Because eventually, most people we meet and things we experience are worth it (in hindsight).

(As a disclaimer, I'm not saying that starvation is worth it, witnessing murder is worth it, etc.... I do believe that God can bring beauty from ashes, but I'm not telling you that you should be rejoicing if something horrific happens to you or your family.)

Because of my past, I have an assurance that the future will make the present worth it. But I know, it's so, so hard to make draining investments. We expect returns, interest, purpose. Whether its putting time into a project, job, person, or place, we expect an outcome. And its hard when there's nothing.

I suppose its the optimist in me... I've decided I'm one. I'm sure my mind could be changed, I'm only 24.... but throughout my life I've seen the purpose in the things that have happened and the people I have met. And, I believe that all things can work together for good. So here's my hopeful claim that the 2009 journal entry will have a purpose.... even if it doesn't reveal itself until 2019.... :)

Posted by sarenaw in

Hey, a glass half full!...

hero, January 11

I'm not great at trends and traditions.. but after seeing this story in the news, I thought it would be kinda cool to mention heros weekly every so often.

"Ryan Heber is being recognized as a hero as news gets out that he is reportedly the teacher who brought an end to the Taft Union High School shooting Thursday morning in Taft, Calif. despite being hit in the end by a shotgun pellet. Heber, a science teacher at the school, reportedly joined a Taft Union campus supervisor in calmly talking the shooter into putting his gun down, after which he was arrested."

Full story HERE

Posted by sarenaw in

hero, January 11

Comfortable being Uncomfortable

"Father God, I am clay in your hands
help me to stay that way".............

I'm blessed. I started in a house that was really consistent. Other houses were having demanding upsets and changes, and Pine was steadily moving along. All the residents had been here awhile, knew the rules, knew the consequences. A few months in, we got a new resident. It was a change, but a smooth addition... and life at Pine House went on.

Now, I've been here 5 months... and 3 residents left at once (within days/weeks of each other). And, sometimes they leave under positive circumstances, sometimes not. But there is always the thought that they may have not learned anything, they'll just resort back to the old individuals they were.

And its hard. Its hard saying goodbye, not because it may be goodbye for this lifetime, but it may be a goodbye forever. I pray that Jesus means something to them and that Jesus will affect their lives. I can't bear the thought that they'll reject Him..... I hate that they may not be in Heaven. And, it brings up so many more frustrating thoughts.... like... why was Jesus revealed for me? why do I get to go to Heaven? how could God ever send **** to hell? (such a melancholy post!)

I know the solution - having faith that God is high above me, all-knowing, all-just. Yet, that thought doesn't satisfy me sometimes.

I guess it all comes as a part of getting attached to a few teenagers on probation. I'm thankful my heart isn't calloused yet although sometimes I wish it was... the goodbyes would affect me less!

I'll miss.... George Washington.  
This is so good I haven't even tried it yet!
Bomb.com, bomb.edu, bomb.net  
Gasp! 
Visiting the mad cows and little pigs.  
BIIIIIG DEEEEEAL!
A caterpillar (turned butterfly) named Pokey.  
Last name Awesome, first name This Is.
Timed bike rides to Dollar General.
Two-two!
My first 2-on-1 to get a Rickers.  
Guess what..... chicken butt.

And I'll have faith... faith that the experiences ahead will mean as much as the ones in the past. I'm thankful that I'm able to have upset. Because I have this feeling that upset brings growth.

Posted by sarenaw in

Comfortable being Uncomfortable